Emotional Fool

It's nothing really but a myriad of pointlessness. The literary attempts, the drunken fridays, the sleepless weekends where you almost drown yourself in tears, and the never-ending questions that boil inside your mind. When the heavens offer you a better day, you just want to look back and take the good deal. Who knows if it might be a good start? Besides, as what I've said, it's you who leads your own life, and not vice versa. Otherwise, the narurally striking evil concurrence behind certain circumstances will simply make it worse.

But amidst the optimistic luck, there will always be spaces that wait to be filled in, and the disarray of thoughts start to confuse your once functional mind. You gyrate yourself in a different world bombarded with questions. I really don't know if I'm making any sense here. Most of you won't even understand, probably because you cannot fully relate. But I have something in mind. Something in which I try to exhale out of my conciousness, or at least, for the mean time.

I'm not usually like this. I started to feel emotionally eerie for the past few days. Gone are the moments when I just sit around and laugh my lungs out, seriously to the point that I cannot inhale the slightest remaining air that surrounds me. I'm happy. I'm seriously happy. It's just that I tend to imbibe each and every problem that surrounds me, with or without sense, may they be mine or other's.

I have my own problems too, of course. It must really be the most tired thing in the world that exist without taking breaks. You, your neighbor, your ex-highschool crush, the person who first broke your heart and the least person you like have problems as well, but maybe not as much as a big deal compared to the entire world's dilemma. When most of us get happy, we tend to forget about the disturbing ones, which basically means that it covered up the whole thing. But they still exist. They're still there, and they will never get out of your life unless you find a solution out of it.

Sharing emotional struggles must be the least inborn character that I was given by the good heavens. Though, not as quite as you think. I find it a very hard time sharing my problems to anyone, not even to my parents. I just lean back and start to think of it; talking to myself as if I was not in my right state of mind. And after some time of blabbing it all out, I will already feel released.

The horizontal muscle movements of your lips can be usually done without sincerity, so sometimes, I can easily fake it. I don't intend to act out so completely ingenuine, it's just that, out of hidden premises and circumstance, I unconciously fall into it. I don't know, but sometimes, they just get it quick---that there's a difference, that there's something wrong. It seems to reverberate on my every move, my every word, my every action. The once genuine and cheerful personality that I am has already been trapped inside a spurious counterfeited body.

Uncanny as it may seem, I don't care. It's normal. I discerned to myself that people are six times more emotional compared to what they only like to admit. So basically, this is not really something unusual.

I now came in understanding with the fact that I might just be dwelling on senseless anxiousness that nobody even finds time to think about. I really might have some personal issues, but I'm now ready to face each of them, without hiding behind the shadows that cover up my happy disposition. I guess I'm just being too sensitive. But I'm feeling better now. Maybe, this was just a meager phase that probably most people my age would come across with in their journey to early adolesence.

I guess it all boils down to one thing: Problems may come and go, and sometimes they hurt twice as much as how we thought it would affect us. But dealing with day-to-day worries shouldn't be something that would make drastic changes in our positive outlooks in life. It is somehow a blessing from above that makes us a better person, and indeed, a stronger one.

Think I could pass for the next Mr. Emotional Fool? Nah, cut the thought. =)

Blisfully Back,
ROLLY MARCIAL